This is an almost nightly action - in fact, most nights I know when we'll be out in the garage or not. This is a luxury - we haven't always had these types of chats - we haven't always poured our feelings out for one another. But since some hardships have taken over....we've become so in tuned to one another.
What did I mean by 'the reason?' I meant that this is a major factor in the success of our marriage. We have laughed, cried, and have been sad together - we've grown up together. We've seen each other succeed and fail, disappoint and enlighten, and truly do things that we love. For that, we are absolutely blessed.
My nightly routine has been to listen to 'Delilah's Dilemma' on our soft rock station on my way home. Last night was particularly heartbreaking - Don, a man who's been in a 20 year marriage, realized that when they met and married he wasn't necessarily in love with his wife. He loved her yes, but he wasn't always in love. They quickly became closer and had 6 children together. Recently, he told her that he was so in love with her and explained the story. She reacted poorly. She said that she thought he tricked her into marriage and that their whole lives shouldn't have happened. Night before last Don came home to an empty house, his wife had taken their children to an unknown location - and he didn't know what to do.
Usually I miss Delilah's powerful words on how the situation could be helped and last night was no exception. But as I thought about it, it made me sad. If I asked Kenny today (or if I was honest with myself) about our relationship 12 years ago there is NO way that I was in love with him as much as I am in love with him now. And that will continue until the day we die. Of course he is more in love with me now (as I of him) - of course the reasons that I love him have changed. But then I realized a key element - obviously, they were not usually honest with one another. They probably were extremely busy...and probably didn't have what we dub 'honesty sessions.'
Have you had one lately? It's when we tell each other - ok, we need to have an honesty session - which means: please don't get defensive about what I am going to say - please listen- please do not get mad (or upset). Sometimes we break our rules, but often we keep to it.
And 12 years later, we are stronger than ever.
My heart absolutely breaks for families who are torn about with parents splitting - coming from a family who is split, I definitely see the difference to a family like Kenny's who has a life long commitment and have not been divorced. Now I am not excluding situations where there is no choice - this is definitely not the time or place for a lengthy chat about divorce - I am just saying it's a main reason for our strength in our marriage.
Marriage, like any relationship takes time, effort, a lot of work, and the consistent effort to listen. Marriage is so unique - and so awesome - I am so glad that we have been able to be together for so long and are now married.
Please sit down and speak with your spouse, significant other, or partner - really listen. really understand. really go out of your way to stay positive.
And you'll have a reason too.
Love always,
Lida
P.S. Isn't this a perfect topic for the day of a Royal Wedding? So not planned as I haven't seen much about it...but judging from FB comments - it must have been beautiful. I still remember Diana's wedding!!
Theses images are from Style Me Pretty.com, another blog I'm linked to!
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